Allowing Compliments to Land

I often see a familiar pattern in the clients I work with, particularly those navigating imposter syndrome. They have an uncanny ability to absorb criticism, replay it endlessly in their minds and allow it to define them. Yet, when someone offers praise or recognition, it seems to slip through their awareness as if it were water on glass. We tend to magnify what we perceive as our shortcomings and minimise our strengths, and this imbalance quietly erodes confidence over time.

Part of the challenge lies in how we process feedback. Negative feedback feels urgent, triggering our brain to focus and dissect it. For someone prone to imposter feelings, this can become a way to seek confirmation of our underlying self-beliefs, reinforcing the narrative that we are inadequate or not good enough. Ironically, this means we often welcome criticism while dismissing compliments, not because they lack value, but because they conflict with the story we already tell ourselves.

A more balanced approach starts with creating a receptive space within ourselves for feedback of all kinds. Instead of reacting immediately, pause and ask: what is useful here? What can I learn without letting it confirm a negative self-judgment? This does not mean ignoring instinctive feelings, but rather observing them without automatically accepting them as truth.

Practical steps can make this shift tangible. Keeping a ‘feedback log’ is one of the simplest and most effective. Each time you receive positive feedback, write it down. Note who said it, what they praised, and why it matters. Over time, this log becomes a counterbalance to the negative feedback you naturally dwell on.

Verbalising positive feedback to yourself immediately can also help. Instead of dismissing it, try saying, ‘This reflects my capability and impact.’ Repeating it aloud, even privately, ‘teaches’ the brain to recognise praise as meaningful, not incidental.

Finally, reflect on your achievements regularly, not just during reviews or milestones. Take five minutes at the end of the day or week to note what went well, what you contributed and the difference it made. This practice encourages a more balanced perspective, acknowledging both successes and areas for growth without letting one dominate the other.

By creating a receptive space for all feedback and noticing the ways we seek confirmation of negative self-beliefs, we can gradually learn to engage with criticism constructively while allowing recognition to land. This balance can transform the way we view our own competence and create a kinder, more accurate understanding of ourselves.

If you recognise yourself in this pattern, it’s worth taking deliberate steps to shift it. Building confidence and learning to process feedback differently are skills that can be developed with the right support. To explore how focused coaching can help you break the cycle of imposter feelings and strengthen self-belief, visit Imposter Syndrome Coaching.