​HOW DO I... GET BETTER AT CHALLENGING STRESSFUL BELIEFS?

"You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength"
​Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, 121-180AD

​Introducing The ABC Model

The ABC Model was developed by Albert Ellis in the 1950s to teach people how their beliefs cause their emotional and behavioural responses. These beliefs are based upon our past experience and learning and we are often not fully aware of what they are or how they influence our behaviour.

​When these beliefs are adaptable, appropriate and helpful to the situation they are considered to be healthy and they assist us in our day to day life. However they can become outdated or overly rigid at which point they can cause us difficulties.

The model:

A Something happens
B You have a belief about the situation
C You have an emotional reaction to the belief

For example:

A Your employer falsely accuses you of taking money from her purse and threatens to fire you.

B You believe “she has no right to accuse me. She’s a *@~!~”

C You feel angry

If you hold a different belief, your emotional response will be different. For example:

A Your employer falsely accuses you of taking money from her purse and threatens to fire you.

B You believe “I must not lose my job. That would be unbearable”

C You feel anxious

The ABC model shows that A does not cause C; B causes C. In other words it is not your employer’s words that create your emotional response (C) it is the belief you hold about it that causes the emotional response. This helps to account for the fact that different people respond differently to the same or similar events.

According to Ellis, there are times when we hold beliefs that upset us or cause us difficulties. He considered that these are all irrational beliefs containing a demand either about ourselves, other people, or the world in general. He called these the “3 basic musts”. For example:

1. I must do well and win the approval of others for my performances or else I am no good.

2. Other people must treat me considerately, fairly and kindly, and in exactly the way I want them to treat me. If they don’t, they are no good and they deserve to be condemned and punished.

3. I must get what I want, when I want it; and I must not get what I don’t want. It’s terrible if I don’t get what I want, and I can’t stand it.

The first belief generates anxiety, depression and feelings of guilt. The second can lead to anger, passive–aggression and violence. The third belief leads to self-pity. The demanding nature of these beliefs (the ‘must’ nature of them) causes the problem. Less demanding, more flexible beliefs lead to healthy emotions and helpful behaviours. We can challenge our beliefs by ‘Disputing’ them – the D of the extended ABCDE model.

Ellis said that we all hold irrational beliefs at some times but that we can work at eliminating that tendency. He considered that emotionally healthy people develop an acceptance of reality, even when that reality is unfortunate and unpleasant. Ellis and his followers promote three kinds of acceptance:

1. Unconditional self-acceptance:

• I am a fallible human being; I have my good points and my bad points.

• There is no reason why I must not have flaws.

• Despite my good points and my bad points, I am no more worthy and no less worthy than any other person.

2. Unconditional other-acceptance:

• Other people will treat me unfairly from time to time.

• There is no reason why they must treat me fairly.

• The people who treat me unfairly are no more worthy and no less worthy than any other person.

3. Unconditional life-acceptance:

• Life doesn’t always work out the way that I’d like it to.

• There is no reason why life must go the way I want it to.

• Life is not necessarily always pleasant but it is nearly always bearable.