Most of the mums and dads we work with are balancing the often competing needs of work and childcare. All families have their own arrangements as to how that balance will be managed. Yet it still seems that most nurseries, day care centres and schools only call or message mum when they need to get in touch. 

Many of the mums (and many dads) we work with find this quite frustrating especially when it is an assumed and default position. One dad told us that that even though he does most of the drop off and pick up, his nursery still messages mum with information and requests for his son. For many mums, being the assumed contact point despite dad,  granny or a nanny being the principal day carer is irritating and distracting when they are called by the nursery during a busy or demanding day. 

However, assumptions run both ways. Your childcare provider may be assuming that mum is the main contact point but if this is incorrect have you clearly told them? Some of our mums have recognised that they have shied slightly away from this clarity (maybe through fear of negative judgment or because they want to stay in the loop). As in so many situations, lack of clarity paves the way for much misunderstanding. Whether you are mum or dad, be clear about what you want and clearly assert your preferred contact arrangement confidently. While this seems ridiculously simple and straightforward, many don't do it. If that includes you, rather than beat yourself up over it, ask yourself why? Unraveling the answer to that may ease many related working parent stresses.

Preparing for the return to work after the birth of your baby is often focused exclusively on your job and wider family needs. Paying attention to your personal needs and well-being often is overlooked. 

Preparations involving other people, and especially small people, have a habit of not always going as we'd like them to. It can be hard and stressful to get babies and small children out of the house in the morning (washed, fed and dressed) and into nursery on time so that you can catch the train. The same applies when you know you need to leave on time to go home but you're feeling bad about leaving before your colleagues, or one of them is being demanding. Many new parents quickly find themselves into a kind of relentless eat, sleep, work, repeat cycle when juggling work and small children. So this is where it's important to keep your plans and expectations under review and ensure that your personal needs are also being met.

Ask yourself: 

• Am I expecting too much of myself, my baby or my partner at this stage?
• Am I being sufficiently firm/flexible/assertive (as appropriate) with work?
• Am I placing unreasonable demands on my partner? Is s/he placing unreasonable demands on me?
• Am I getting enough rest and relaxation to maintain my health and well-being?
• Am I getting enough space and time to give my baby the attention s/he and I need?
• Is this arrangement working well enough for us as a family? If not, what needs to change?

In our ongoing maternity leave survey we have gathered lots of excellent advice and information from mums about their parental leave and going back to work. (We'd love your advice and thoughts too - see here for the short survey). Their responses are overwhelmingly consistent:

1. Take care of yourself - don't worry about being super mum/housewife/partner/employee. In other words - good enough is good enough.

2. Manage your work-life balance boundaries - set these clearly and firmly from the beginning of your leave period and on the return to work, and stick to them.

3. Maintain your self-confidence - keep mindful of who you are, what you do and the value you add.

To achieve these you need to take consistent, planned action.  

Your plan should include the what, when, how and who questions, for example:

• how your baby's care needs will be consistently and well met
• what will happen when your baby is unwell or otherwise unable to go to nursery/day care
• how domestic and family activities and chores will be carried out, when, and by whom
• how you will ensure rest and relaxation time with your family, partner and friends gets the space and time it needs

Keeping arrangements under review enables you to be flexible in making changes when required. Remember that babies aren't babies for long, they change and develop very quickly. Just as time at each stage is special and fleeting, so their demands on you change as their capabilities grow. If times are difficult remember, "this too will pass".

​Periodically, take a wider view and "check in" with yourself - is this working/living arrangement working for you and your family? Does it need amending to ensure that you are all happy and fulfilled?

Our parental leave coaching programmes provide structured support and development for mums and dads about to go on parental leave. To discuss how we can support parents-to-be in your organisation, get in touch - enquiries@managingchange.org.uk or call 01223 655667. 

​For years mums returning to work have endured the banter about having 'baby brain' - being emotional, forgetful and muddled-headed. Is there any truth in this? 
​
In 2016 neuroscientists reported that pregnancy does change a woman's brain and that these changes last for up to two years. These changes are evident in brain scans to the extent that scientists can tell simply by looking at these scans if a woman has been pregnant.

The differences concerned a pruning in the number of connections in the brain which served to help the mother focus more closely on her baby [see here for the details]. However the researchers found no evidence of “baby-brain” in the women they examined. They scored about the same on tests of memory and vocabulary both before and after giving birth. So now you know!

It's 7:30am, your household is busy with everyone getting ready for work and school when your five year old suddenly announces that he doesn't feel well and is promptly sick. He can't go to school today...

It's mid-morning, you're covering a client meeting for a colleague who's on holiday when the nursery calls to say your daughter has fallen off the slide and banged her head. She needs to be collected now...

These are familiar scenarios to many working parents and dreaded ones for others. In most cases it is still usually mum who will step in. Two-thirds of working mums and mums-to-be are concerned about what they would do if their child was ill. In our survey (Being a Mum and Having a Career WIKI/WILTKI) concerns around such situations were mentioned by over 60% of mums.

​A couple of weeks ago (10 October) the first female chairman of the Institute of Directors, Lady Judge, caused controversy when she said that mothers risk losing their jobs if they take long maternity breaks. She argued that the American system, which entitles new mothers to 12 weeks of unpaid leave, was better than its UK counterpart because it ensured that women's careers did not "come off the tracks".

Despite the attention given in recent years to the need to support people back into the workplace following career breaks and maternity leave, the reality is that the same obstacles and difficulties remain.

84% of women on career breaks are keen to return to work...


67% consider retraining to a different job to achieve flexibility

In our work we encounter the problem from both angles: from our client organisations who struggle with the cost, both financial and in performance terms, of losing talented people from their companies, and from our private clients who struggle to make a successful return to work that will allow them to embrace the flexibility they need.

Cost to replace a lost professional starts at £8k+

Additional evidence of these difficulties comes from a new study which shows that 75% of people who are keen to return to work following a career break or maternity leave, consider that the workplace culture is too inflexible to enable it.

Support to return of critical importance

The study found that supportive factors included a culture of understanding among managers - eighty-eight per cent of respondents said a manager who wanted them to succeed was the most important reason for them to come back to work.

The need to ensure that flexible working arrangements are not only in place but actually implemented is critical, as is ensuring that returners and their managers are properly supported to ensure a successful transition back.

UK organisations actively recognise the importance of retaining experienced and talented women in the workforce; at the same time a great many women wish to pursue long, successful careers. One could be forgiven for thinking that the "female talent retention" problem was solved. And yet, it is not news that women are under-represented in the workplace, particularly at senior levels. As the seniority levels rise, the proportion of women in them declines steadily. As an illustration, in the City of London women account for nearly half of the graduate intake at most big employers, and top earners continue to be split approximately 50-50 until the age of 29. After this age however the proportion drops over the next 14 years to just 28%.

This is the time when women typically start their families. According to the Association of Accounting Technicians (AAT, October 2014) 67% of women surveyed are worried about the impact having children will have on their career. Nearly half of the 2,000 UK women polled consider that their current employment doesn't offer them the flexibility they would need to care for a family TWEET THIS. This is worrying - if a return to work after maternity leave is perceived to be difficult and incompatible with continuing career fulfilment and progression, women won't return. Indeed the AAT survey reports that balancing childcare and work commitments is cited as the main barrier to staying in employment for new mums. Nearly a quarter of new mums surveyed (24%) changed jobs after the birth of their babies and 67% considered retraining to another job entirely as a means of having greater flexibility at work. In more junior roles the picture is similar; after the birth of their babies women in such roles are significantly more likely to take less demanding part-time roles than return to their previous jobs.

For the many women who are not freely choosing to stay at home or to return to part-time work, this represents a frustrating dilemma - to be fulfilled and successful professionally or fulfilled personally - but not both. If organisations are serious about retaining talented women, at all levels, there must be changes in the way they support women to return to work after maternity. Implementing active steps to make it easy to return, for example in providing flexible hours, nursery provision, return to work bonuses and maternity coaching all play an important role.

We'd love to hear about your experiences - good or bad - either as an employer or as a parent.

For further details on our maternity coaching programmes and how we can help your organisation retain its valued women employees, check out our programmes, or phone or email us.

Over the next six years women are expected to take two-thirds of highly skilled roles in the UK, according to a recent report by the UK Commission for Employment and Skills. By 2020, 49% of women are predicted to have degree level qualifications and they already form a significant proportion of those in professional roles. Among professional women, 45% cited maternity as the key pinch point in their careers.

For both organisations and individuals, specialist maternity coaching provides an important and effective intervention at this critical time. It enables women to make appropriate career choices to suit their situation, preferences and aspirations, and enables organisations to retain their talented performers and their investment in their development and future potential. [In 2006, the CIPD calculated the cost of replacing such employees as being between £8k and £12k per person].

Our maternity coaches provide specialist support and a confidential sounding board to executive women. Being outside the organisation, they have no agenda on the woman's career and provide an objective detachment to help each woman find the best solution to their particular circumstances: whether that means a rapid return to work or a delayed or indefinite return.

​We provide comprehensive and 'light' maternity returner programmes, and will also tailor a programme to meet your organisation's specific requirements. To learn more about the programmes and how your company can benefit call or email us.